to english or not to bahasa

i googled my nonagayo blog. as i wondered how i received some unfamiliar comment. the result is i dont find it that much, actually. which is great for i'm not advertising it except to my closest friends. (really, girl? you're a show girl!)
well, whatever.
the point is, i found a wordpresser, mentioning my blog.
judger.
reading those i remembered my students in bandung. i like the words they choose in their errors, it's honesty,and willing to learn.

then i'm asking myself.
why am i using english quite often for some journals i made, when i'm with my boyfriends, when i'm swearing, talking to myself.
i'm a girl without plan. i don't plan talking english, writing english, love doing in english. doi not love my own Bahasa?
imposible. i'm a proud girl. having my native culture is a big pride i want to show the whole world. Bahasa jawa, sunda, indonesia (for some historical reason, it is not really that authentic), i'm so fuckin proud of hving all of them.
I was so in love with the beauty of Bahasa from the wonderfully composed novels: Burung-burung Manyar, Bumi Manusia, mostly Romo Mangun's and mister Pramoedya's novels. i was bedazzled. realized that the simple bahasa indonesia is not the art of thesaurus. but the art of the heart of being indonesian. your noble heart will carefully choose the simple words, collect them, and combined them into the most beautiful art working.
I honour Bahasa deeply. there is honesty within. for me, to speak bahasa means you're naked to show the truth. if you're not that sure to wisely choose the suites, you will ruin your existence as cultured people.

English, has got many doors to point the truth. all to one gate.
for some situations i can not handle that could easily carry me away, i unconsiously spoke english.
for some, i rceived information in english, then i pictured in english.
for information received in indonesian, iwill reply them back in indonesia.
i'm proud of bahasa, don't wanna ruin it as it aready has by today's teenagers.
i want to stick to the old time novelist.
for this, i am classic.

jadi kesimpulannya, kalo mau ngomong gausah mikir lama-lama. mau inggris ato bahasa ato irian, sekeluarnya itu ya keluarin aja. kalo nggak kan pusing.

it's not about how good, but it's about picturing what's in your mind.