mom, please..

a perfect life of lies..
or
a bitter life of honest..

i was being honest, and my friends blamed me, avoided me..
i do what they expected, and they returned to be my friends..

mungkin kejujuran memang tidak sepatutnya dicoba, namun benar-benar diwujudkan..
walaupun pahit, tapi tidak salah untuk dilakukan. teman akan menjauh memang..
tapi waktu yang mendekatkan lagi...

hiks..



should i follow what my heart desires or what my logic tells me..

i wat to choose my heart.. but logically it's wrong..

maybe i should just lie and never admit what's inside..
and the world would go as perfect as it should be..

DON'T TRUST THE IPOD

Ipod, any kind of it, only works for two to three years.. then, the battery will refuse to show any sign of being active, the ipod will be disfunctioned. if any way you able to figure out how to replace the battery instead to repair them to california for 140USd (or 70 usd perhaps at some hidden place over jakarta or batam) that we better buy the newest one since after three years the recent ipod generation of course will totally replace the ipod in our hand, more capacity, more sophisticated.. and that will force you to make a lusting decision: i'd rather buy the new ipod generation than repair my old one. it will occur to you on and on.. someday we will have to prepare our own closet of ipod museum (mausoleum)..

huu.. (after two and a half years with my first generation ipod shuffle that i bought for 130dolar, it suddenly stopped..for no reason and signs ahead..)


that condition applied as well to mac..
(be careful guys, girls, we all know that beauty is side by side to pain..heheheh...)

the atonement...

sorry.SIN.lust.freedom. forgive. ANGEL. DREAM. dirty. happy. black. red. salt. feel. anger. sloth. GREED. rash. lied. SOLD.soul. CONQUER. tears. drain. thirsty. guilt. sentence. death. cheese cake. slaughter. flesh. skin. blood.fist. brad pitt. jolie. GRUDGE. POSSESSED. lick.tongue. snake.fork.rush.hunter. suppressed. fat. skinny. coal. WAR. GUNS. MONEY. NUCLEAR. chemistry. scrap. slut.TV. pimp. judge. adultery.proud. stone head. scent. women. men. stone heart. DIABLO.JEALOUSY.OBSESSED. heathen. cunt. king. queen. saint. countries. world.space.institution.MILITARY. babies. DOCTORS.loyal. devotion. rapist. pirate. songs. DESIRE.CHAMPION.winner. loser.squeeze. milk bath. cleopatra. caesar. SAINT. LORD. FAKE. QUESTION. DOUBT. DISAPPOINTED. HUMAN. CRAVE. LOVE. WARM. HUG. apologizing.. atonement.. holy.. purified.. friends..

Kamu adalah Apa yang Sering Kamu Pikir..
Mikir Apa Kamu Hari Ini?


Hari ini aku pikir aku adalah seorang perempuan mafia kaya berkulit halus berpakaian hitam mahal Dolce Gabbana, sepatu tinggi merah satin manolo blahnik, tas batik halus warna merah yang dibuat khusus para dayang istana solo untuk pputri-putri keraton, dengan kacamata hitam buatan Dior keluar dari sebuah gedung tua menuruni tangga ditemani dengan belasan pria bodyguard berpakaian rapih dengan rahang kokoh seperti model-model celana dalam pria dari itali yang tak memiliki ekspresi lain selain cakep dengan mata awas mereka yang melihat ke segala penjuru menjejak segala macam senjata, ketapel, batu, pistol, panah, bahkan orang memegang kertas yang tak kalah tajam dari sebilah pisau mangga.
Mereka mengiringi aku memasuki bmw convertible hitam setelah memastikan tidak ada bom di balik setir, bagasi dan cell phone.
lalu pergi.. diikuti oleh tiga mobil.
menuju istana negara antah berantah bukan indonesia dan amerika, minum teh kwan lin bersama ibu sekretaris negara, bermain golf kecil bersama sang komandan, membicarakan musik dan lukisan bersama para anggota kabinet... bukan indonesia apalagi amerika..
dan mereka bilanghal-hal gak penting: "nonagayo, berkat kehadiran anda, acara perburuan rusa tahunan negara, dihapuskan, bahkan peraturan hukuman kursi listrik sudah diterapkan (hahaha.. anda kan tahu saya gak suka hukuman mati. siksa aja..)."dan mereka menunjukkan daftar usulan-usulan kebijakan yang perlu diterapkan pada bangsa.
diantaranya: keharusan mentransfer ilmu pada orang lain seperti menularkan kegilaan akan keindahan, adanya ruang rokok di beberapa titik di kota-kota ini dan tak boleh di luar itu, memperkecil impor beberapa barang, memperbesar jumlah ekspor beberapa barang termasuk "rumput yang ngasih jari", tentang pendidikan, sekolah, dan lain-lain. "menurut anda nona?"
sambil menghirup chamomile tea di sofa merah, "saya dengar pengurus negara dapat kenaikan pendapatan, dan lima kali bonus." muka bapak-bapak itu pucat. "saya dengar sih di dusun tani ada yang menemukan varietas baru jagung ya.. tapi kasian..dia kesulitan...kalau saja ada yang bantu..oh iya, di pulau wari itu juga katanya banyak anak pinternya...tapi ga ada sekolah..ckckck..srruuup... wah, saya harus konser nih di negara sebelah, chopper saya sudah nunggu..mari bapak-bapak.. mister komandan, saya pinjem landasannya ya.."

Bangsa yang berbahagia adalah bangsa tanpa sejarah..
Bangsa yang paling selamat adalah bangsa tanpa ruang angkasa..
Manusia paling suci adalah yang tak pernah dilahirkan..
Manusia paling beruntung adalah yang dijatuhkan ke bumi..

kepompong

stranded.
captured.
alone.
seeing unpleasant images.
trying to get out.
these little skinny hands reaching the light behind the shade.
penetrating the white cotton fiber..
these skinny hands feel the air..
cold..
free..
voices..
what's out there?
i see what i feel.
my skin told me so.
no more warm, humid, and safe..
my heart is bumping out..
bringing the rest of my immaculate skin
bursting out the cradle
to caress the air of stain..

there but not feels there..(still for girls only)

girls, i've measured my size, been tried all the (massive) branded bras.. none of them fit me perfectly.. perfect size and perfect material obviously can not be seen together..
any suggest? huhuhu...
there's a local brand from yogyakarta, elingbra, promising tighter full centered breasts (feels good saying this) after wearing them for three to six months. some ladies testimonials were so convincing, they've upgraded the size to some three cup sizes and so contented, especially newly moms..i don't need upgrade, just to make them tight.
i got carried away, i bought them a pair for 500Krp, it's 28 E- uncommon size for wacoal etc-, it was rather an embarrassment situation in sizing them. i had to be undressed before the lady seller... chuuuu...(hey, it's only for girls!!) thank god she's good looking and seemed rich. girls.. the bra was so... amazingly tight, torturing, and truly works.. until the rough material eventually rash my shoulder, back, ribs under the bra, they turned red, and felt like being scratched by newly sharp papers, small blade, kitten claws stroking my skin.. then i stopped wearing them.. and i lost the nearly tight couple..
i should add that comfort bra means bra without wire, full cup, gentle, soft material, being second skin that existence is forgettable, when we wear them would feels like men's hands holding our breasts giving proper support.. (IT Crowd). it's there but not feels there..

beauty and pain are side by side..

and i obviously wear the wrong bra..

SIZING IS EVERYTHING (for girls only..)

in searching for..
the perfect bra

The bra — sexy fashion statement or medieval instrument of torture? The debate rages on among women of all breast sizes, but one thing is certain: A well-fitted bra is your absolute best chance for maximum comfort and style. But with so many sizes, shapes and colors to choose from, it can feel a bit overwhelming. Studies show that 70 percent of women are wearing the wrong bra. So where — and better yet, how — do you begin?

Wearing a bra in the wrong size can be a real pain the neck, back and shoulders. Plus, it can cause shortness of breath! Buying the bra that's right for you isn't as easy as you may think, but we're here to help you find the bra that's right for you.

How can you tell you're wearing the wrong size?
There will be signs:
· You are literally busting out! Unless you're wearing a demi bra, most of your bosom should be inside the cup. If not, you should try a larger cup. It will be a lot more comfortable.
· The band rides up your back. When this happens, it means that the bra is too loose around your body. You can tell if the band size is right for you by placing two fingers under the back of the bra band. If you can comfortably fit more than two fingers, it's too big.
· There's wrinkling in the cups. Stretchy materials will form to the shape of your body, and if there's wrinkling, the cups are too big. Try a bra with smaller cups, like a demi.
· The center of the bra isn't lying flat against your breastbone. The bra should be flat against your skin without gaping. If it's not, you might not be getting the support that you need. Try a bra with a smaller cup size.

Sizing is everything!
The most important factor in buying a bra is knowing your exact size. This can be determined by taking a few easy measurements.

Step 1. Take a tape measure and measure the diameter of your rib cage directly under your bust.
Step 2. Measure around your chest over the fullest part of your bust.

Step 3. Determine your cup size by taking the difference between the two above measurements (subtract the measurement of Step 1. from the measurement of Step 2.)

---

Selasa, 2008 Juli 22

masih cinta..
knowing that he's the one
the one i want
for days i'm growing old..
this passion, this heart, my blood..
they're alive when he hugged me, touched my skin,
kissed my neck, licked my palms..
i know that time..
i'm still in love with him..
and still want him for more..
but i dare ask for nothing
he chose his path in our quarrel three years ago..
he had to return to his two other lives..
but my heart,
has already become his.. for indefinite time..
others may become my warmer at nights..
may have my status as his..
but your smells, your scents..
will stay and be locked in my memory..
"i'm sorry" he whispered softly to my ear, for the first time since we met five years ago..
"i miss you so much" he whispered again, as he hugged closer and kissed me and drowned his face under my neck.
i am yours, musang, forever..

(tadi malem, wanted di velvet class blitz, on the bed..)