i'm trying to write again..

just found out recently during working on my space law article.
just figured out why i can't read or enjoy any books anymore..
it's the feeling of being left and lonely..
before that broken heart period, i read tons of books passionately, exhausted of curiosity, well, not exactly tons, but close.. hehe..
i read books passionately because i felt i embrace the world in them, and stated my position as a clever girl, i guess.. yeah rite..
that falling in love period a couple year ago, made me found something much more pleasing than reading books.which is, exploring the whole new world of love, and desire. one pair of desiring hearts is deeper than all the oceans in the universe..
after i lost the love..
i can not bear the feeling of being gradually robbed and taken back all those beautiful lust desire warm love feeling.
then i tried to return to my lost love: books, ink, paper, laptop to write, stories, dreams of the world, utopia,...
and i failed it..
read and write are intimate activities..
i need to fall in love to them first (again) to make love to them and gave birth to another thoughts, dreams, and feeling that i'd share to the world..
but what happen is,
when i touch and open the first pages,
i started to feel that again, and tears coming..
alone, being left..
because i left my first love of writing to something else called passion of a man who treated me like a cunt..

this very moment, i'm trying again to fall again for over and over,
make sure that nothing would separate us again...