in the absence of ..
how to feel

in the age of innocence..
beauty prevails before me like a child embracing the sweet smell of roses..
those innocent moments..
so pure..
without prejudice..
when the taste of banana would taste the same as what it should be..
yellow, sweet, creamy...
where too much is clearly too much..
where too small is too small..

after the age of innocence..
beauty prevails before me in a different way..
anger, tears, lust, passion change the palette of live you learned..
where strawberry is not as sour as you remembered should be..
where the sun shines too much rays..
where the moon comes too late and goes too soon...
where the sweet smell of roses sometimes kills you, bleed your palms..

in the age of innocence..
i laugh.. like all the world would laugh with me..
i cry.. like i'm the only person with sadness..
i think .. like i have all the world and all the time in the world to think about..
i write.. like the words wouldn't stop raining through my fingers..
i read.. like the exhausted kitten dwelt on curiosity..

after the age of innocence..
nothing feels the same..
i laugh.. like i have to laugh..
i cry deeply in solitary.. like it's a forbidden act..
i think.. only think.. of reality..
i write.. what i have to write.. not the whole world smiling at me..
only a part of the world i have to write, to bait my life with reality..
i read.. no.. i can not read anymore..
my mind tortured me..
and i simply losing the ability of feeling..
i can not feel..
can not read..
only weep, solitary..

after the touch of your heart..
i see a glimpse of shining sun brighter than any light..
after the touch of your skin..
it comes a while,
but it lasts forever..

it's the path we all have to go through..
that you should walk through step over step..
sometimes, you'll lose a glorious part of your life you achieved ..
but it will passed they say..
time heals it all..
death makes it faster..